BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK!
Hello and welcome to my website I am Barkles the Dog, and I have had many wonderful adventures I can’t wait to share with you! However, due to the unfortunate fact that we exist in a late-stage capitalist society it is necessary for me to engage in a financial exchange with you before I can share said wonderful adventures! OH BOY!
Also I have a video game! With incredible graphics, an amazing combat system, and six or seven possible endings, this is a game so amazing that Kotaku and Polygon won’t tell you about it, mostly because they don’t know it exists!
COMIC BOOKS
QUESTION: Barkles, do you have any comics?
ANSWER: h*ck yeah I do!!!
Captain Barkles wasn’t a good boy — he was the best: a member of an elite anti-terrorist unit tasked with keeping bad guys out of America’s yard. But after going off-mission to save a school bus full of orphans, Barkles was forced to live undercover… and in dishonor!
However, when Barkles stumbles upon a terrorist plot and is called back into service, will he be able to save America and redeem himself, or is he… BARKING… up the wrong tree?
(he is not, he definitely wins, don’t worry, it is cool.)
Barkles is BACK, in his TIMEliest adventure yet! When the eccentric Uncle B discovers a disturbance in the TIMEline, he calls upon AMERICA’S FAVORITE DOG to join him on the adventure of a lifeTIME… in the PAST!
NOW, it’s a race against the CLOCK as these TIMEporal adventurers encounter a plethora of famous figures in the most scientifically and historically accurate time travel story ever told! But will they solve this mystery before the nefarious time-jerk STRIKES? Yes. Yes they will, but it will still be fun to read, okay? Just relax, jeez.
Printed using highly-experimental Flip-O-Vision® technology to enhance the time-travel experience. See instructions at front of book to avoid becoming lost in the timestream!
Barkles, this is your life!
After a full-death experience, Barkles stands on the scales of eternal judgment… and he may be found wanting!
As our good boy’s naughty streak is revealed, can America’s Favorite Dog find redemption… or will he be condemned to THE FLAMES OF PERDITION?!
No! He’ll be fine! God, why do you keep doing this? You’re just ruining these comics for yourself with these questions!
PLEASE READ THESE WHEN YOU GET A CHANCE I WORKED VERY HARD ON THEM
“BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK!”
— Barkles
it doesn’t actually do anything, I just like it!
This is the end of my website! Good bye!
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